Misery Moments: A Tool for Grief
There are no quick-fixes for grief.
Grief can overwhelm, producing a whirlwind of difficult thoughts and emotions.
A while back, my therapist introduced me to misery moments. Misery moments are a tool to express and address the emotions of grief.
To understand a misery moment, it’s important to answer a few questions:
What is a misery moment?
A misery moment is a scheduled time to grieve.
How long is a misery moment?
Misery moments can last anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes, depending on what works best for you.
Why is it important to schedule a misery moment?
A scheduled misery moment gives you a set time when you can deal with the whirlwind of thoughts and painful emotions.
This way, you don't have to deal with them during the day when they threaten to overwhelm you. You can simply acknowledge the thought or emotion and set it aside, knowing you will address it at the scheduled time.
How many misery moments should I schedule?
It depends on the intensity of your grief. The more grief you experience, the more misery moments you can schedule.
Begin with one a day. When the feelings and thoughts lessen, you can change to once every other day.
Do what's best for your healing process.
What happens during a misery moment?
There are 2 elements to a misery moment:
1. Vent
Venting is a way to express the emotions and thoughts swirling around inside of you.
There are several ways to do this:
- Journal and/or write about your emotions, thoughts, and fears
- Talk to a trusted friend who can listen without advising or correcting
- Talk out loud to yourself about your thoughts and feelings
- Write out a prayer
- Write a letter you will never send
More often than not, I journal my grief because I love to write. It's different for everyone.
The key is to vent.
Venting acts as an emotional laxative, unclogging your emotions so you don’t become emotionally constipated (if you don’t like that phrase, blame my therapist!).
When you're done venting, put everything on a shelf until your next scheduled misery moment.
2. Reward
Reward yourself by doing something enjoyable. Give yourself a lift by doing something you like to do.
- Go for a run
- Ride your bike
- Get a cup of coffee
- Drink coffee with a friend
- Go for a walk
- Get some ice cream
- Grab a glass of wine and sit in your backyard
Do anything that refreshes you.
Misery moments are a great tool for expressing and addressing grief. I’m thankful for a good therapist who encourages me to get a handle on my grief before my grief gets a handle on me.